It’s A Crappy Life

I know it has been ages since I last blogged.  Not that I don’t wanna blog or have nothin to blog about.  I have heaps of ideas each time i step out of the house.  But I don’t know why each time I sit in front of the com, I get writer’s block.  I totally forgot what I wanted to write about. 

Even if I do remember, I don’t relly know how to put it into words.  My artistic and creative side of the brain is getting more and more rusty recently.  SHIT! Am I gonna be stuck with just the scientific part of it?

If you’ve noticed, I’ve written two reviews in my main page.  It’s nothing to read about as I’m a sucky review writer.  I noticed it when I was reviewing Ghost Rider.  But I just passed it off as being new to it.  Afterall, it’s a movie review.  I’ve always only written book reviews.

Then came the book review and when I look at it, it really sucks to the max.  So the whole point that I’m actually trying to say is that I’m not gonna write any reviews anymore as I’m totally green to it.  Whatever views on anything that I’ve read or watched will be shared here.

Shit! This F*cking keyboard sucks like hell.  Couldn’t even type a complete sentence without hitting backspace thrice.  Well, school computers are always like that right?

Anyway, as I was saying, I’m gonna write reviews here in the blog and so here’s one.

I’ve just read this book called Snow Blind.  It’s a crime thriller, or so I think, until it suddenly turned out to be science fiction.  How weird is that?

It started of fine.  The mysterious atmosphere is there and the way they describe the murder was eerie.  What?  I consider stuffing a dead body inside a snowman creepy ok?  Not to mention the fact that the murderer stuff a live, paralysed cop in there to let him die of hypothermia.

Suddenly, the detectives were on this lead on a corporate facility that sounded like the movie the Stepford Wives.  That’s where the science fiction thing kicks in.  It kinda spoils the whole crime thriller thing you know. 

And just when you got used to the transition from murder thriller to science fiction, the book ends.  The fact that the murderer or in this case murderers are not apprehended leaves kind of a hanging ending.  And there are still some things that the writer stirred up but left unattended and unexplained. 

Anyway, I still have to give the book a plus point for despite all the misgivings above, it still managed to make me sit on the bed and read and forget about my CTC midterm.

Sigh, I’ve gotten really tired of typing on college computers already.  This keyboard sucks to the max!

Basically, that’s all I wanna say tonight. 

Haha.

And I have the pic to prove it!  We were at KopiOH in Cineleisure Damansara and TA-DA!!!

WOO HOO!!! Totally star struck! Haha! Cheers!

I was beginning to wonder if my blog has already lost its appeal.  Even the person dearest to me chose to read her friend’s blog first and not mine.

But then again, it’s not something to be upset about.  Afterall, like she said I only copy lyrics into my blog.  Nothing interesting to read about.

Probably it’s because I haven’t make it clear to the people around me.  Music is a big part of my life.  Almost as big as she is in my life.  All the songs and lyrics that I’ve written in here are copied, undeniably.  Some are translated by myself, but if in a way, it is still considered as copied.

But whatever lyrics I’ve written here are all dedicated to her and how I feel at that moment.  I just have to admit that not everyone appreciates it.  It’s just a bit disappointing that even she didn’t appreciate it.

I didn’t wanna be such a whining ass right now.  In fact, I’m not whining.  I’m just disappointed.  I really wanted to show her how upset I was just now.  But where’s the point in that?

I know I wouldn’t have the heart to make her upset.  And by showing my upset-ness, it will upset her too.  It’s just gonna lead to a chain reaction.  Like I’ve said, all I wanna do is to make the person I love happy.  I have a responsibility to do that and I will do that even if it means I have to swallow my pride.  And those who have known me well enough know that I indeed have a huge ego.

Sigh… I just hope she understands.  I’ve already stated my discomfort to her.  I’m not hoping she will do anything about it.  I just hope she can be happy and that she understands.

Goodbye

That’s the hardest word to say when you really don’t want someone to leave.  I could only look at her helplessly as she removed the seatbelt. 

Tears start welling in my eyes.  The pit in my stomach grew as I know it was the last time I was seeing her for at least another three weeks.  I knew I had to do something.  Say something before she step out of the car.  Then I blurted out, "Don’t go…" 

"Don’t leave me…"

"I won’t leave you… I promise…"

"Um, I mean, don’t leave the car…"

Haha.  Did I just see legs sticking out from under the table?

No seriously, that’s exactly what took place today.  It really makes me think of Wang Lee Hom’s "Kiss Goodbye".  I guess after spending three days together, and knowing for a few days that she’s here in KL makes it hard to part.

JW will be leaving back to Taiping tomorrow and the worst part is I can’t see her off again.  I’ve missed the chance last time as I had something to do also and this time… Damn that presentation.  Else I would have skipped all my classes and send her to the station. 

The moment she stepped out of the car, I could almost hear a loud crash in my head.  It’s like suddenly the world changed from a colourful and vibrant thing that it has been for the past few days, into a bleak wash of dull black.

I knew it’s just a matter of weeks until we meet again, but still… It hurts to see her go.  As she walked away, I couldn’t stop it anymore.  The tears that I’ve been holding back just streamed down my cheeks.  I watched her disappeared into the direction of the guardhouse only to appear again a few seconds later - this time, a fence separating us.

I doubt she saw me weeping like a baby.  I hope not coz it’s gonna be very embarassing.  She saw me still, and waved goodbye and signal me to leave.  I waved back and did not reverse the car until I saw her safely walked into the lift. 

At that moment, a woman parked her car beside me and saw everything.  I didn’t notice her presence until I was reversing.  She seemed to be noticing us as she averted her glance when I saw her. 

But who cares?  It’s true that I really miss her a lot and noone can do anything about it.  Well, at least I’m not gonna let anyone do anything.

Sigh… I guess I’ll have to deal with the misery of missing her for another couple of weeks. 

Actually, today was quite a happy day.  We went shopping in 1U and although I was dog-tired after that, it was really worth it.  We bought some stuff and as I was carrying them back to the condo where she stays, I really felt very good about it.  It’s like what my dad does for my mum after we went grocery shopping.  LOL.

Ah Cat once said that in a relationship, happiness is just the holiday for misery.  I don’t think I can fully agree with that.  I think that meeting up with her is the holiday of being separated.  But that’s not to say it’s a bad thing.  In fact, I think it’s doing us better as distance makes the heart fonder. 

Sigh… K, guess I’d better hit the sack.  CTC assignment is giving me nightmares.  I can barely lift my eyelids now.  Nitez people.  And most importantly, nitez honey.  Hope you’ll have the sweetest of dreams.  And wish I can meet you in my dreams tonight.  ;P

You must be thinking what a crazy title for a blog entry.

Actually, I’ve never felt so good about myself.  It’s the sense of satisfaction after working for the whole day.  Actually, I’ve worked for two whole days and I’m planning to work another two days on Tuesday and Wednesday.

Although the stuff I’ve been doing seem to be a long way to completion, I just feel energized to work partly because I’ve been such a procrastinator for so long.  And partly also because there’s a certain someone who’s always giving me "mental support".  Haha.

Thank you, dear.  Wouldn’t have managed the stress of the piling assignments without you.

As someone had requested, I’m supposed to blog about Friday.  I’ve never brought myself to doing it previously because I don’t have much time for it.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the two days I’ve spent with JW, though the time we were actually together was quite short.  Actually I’m not gonna go into the details of our dates because I don’t wanna feed that green monster called "jealousy" that’s inside you. LOL.

The most important thing that I wanna say is that I’ve made two revelations.  The first is that it’s almost impossible to say goodbye to the one we love.  And the second is that I’ve really felt that "she’s the one" feeling. 

Haha.  I don’t how much you are absorbing coz suddenly I’ve hit another blank wall in my musings again.  Writer’s block really sucks especially when it suddenly rears its ugly head without prior notice.

Anyways, I gotta get back to my work.  It’s only after the assignment that I realise how rich UCSI is.  All this while we’ve been wasting a lot of money by throwing pipette tips.  Now I truly understand why our uni people is so "kedekut" until we need to wash and reuse our tips.  LOL.

Seriously, if I’ve the money to set up a cell and tissue culture lab, I will be able to buy a decent house and a not so expensive car.

I’ve been trying to post a blog since a few nights ago but certain circumstances seem to come in the way. 

There was one night that I have a lot to say but don’t know how to write.  Writer’s block eh?

Then another night when I had a quarrel with my dearest that just chased away my mood to do anything else except calling Ah Cat to complain and complain.  But it finally resolved thankfully.  Wouldn’t know what to do if I lose the most important person just because of a silly mistake that I’ve committed.

And last night when I’m really soooo in the mood of blogging, my head prevented me by giving me another of those horrid headaches that always tempted myself to chop of my head.

Actually, I did change a bit, if not a lot.  Just a few nights ago, I’m still this moron who’s easily jealous of the people around her.  I mean, so what if she posed in a photo with her hands in a friend’s hand?  It’s not like it signifies anything right?  I guess the goody-two-shoes in me couldn’t get control of my ego maniac self and start ranting about something so insignificant.

After the fight we had about that simple matter, I realized, what’s important is how I treat the one I love.  Isn’t it that when you loved someone, you would do anything within your power to make her happy?  Jealousy and other stuff are just stuff that the devil planted in your idle brains to make you regret your sudden burst of emotions.

And hence, I’ve learnt to control the devil within me and be in peace with my inner self… Spoken like a true guru…  Haha.

Next stop, family ties.

I do realize that when you live under the same roof, it’s not gonna be a breeze to get along with the people around you.  For me, of course there’s the age-old battle of wits with my mum.  It’s the survival of the fittest and it emphasizes on the endurance of each of us.  Whether who will first falter on his/her beliefs and principles.  I’m definitely not giving up mine ever as two person’s happiness rest on my vigilance.

There are two other "households" that I know of which are going through problems of their own as well.  These are not regular households where there’s a dad, a mom and siblings to rival with.  It’s more like friends who live under the same roof.  The problem these two face are rather similar.

One member has a relationship problem with original boyfriend.  Then she will get another boyfriend probably as a substitute or as something to release "stress".  Her other girl friend who lives in the same house disapprove of it and finds the new boyfriend annoying.  And thus, both girls wage wars on each other. 

When interviewed, they each say that they don’t care what the other is doing as long as they don’t bother each other.  But let’s face it.  If you don’t mind, why complain and act as though the other party is the killer of your entire family.

I know I am too above adolescent to say this but it still holds:  It’s never easy to understand girls.