It’s A Crappy Life

Since a long time ago… since the time when I begin to remember things…

Actually, since I’ve started studying, I’ve prided myself for not being able to be stressed.  I was never afraid of exams or projects.  Deadlines are always met sooner than they come.  And I’ve known all the ways to relax myself.

But recently, I’ve just caught myself doing things that I’ve only heard of other people doing.  I shouldn’t disclose what it is, as it is kinda embarassing. 

It was to the point that Dr Hon had came up to me and asked me, "Are you okay?"  Haha.  Actually, it’s kinda touching la.  I mean, I always fall asleep in her lectures and I ought to get nagged/scolded instead. 

Sigh… Probably it’s just how things had been going on around me nowadays.  There’s just so much to do yet I have no heart to do them.  Some, I don’t even know what to do.  There’s the stuff with my project, my assignments and mid term exams.  And then there’s someone else too…

Haha.  I noticed I’ve been talking a lot of meaningless crap today.  I’m sorry.  I’m just too tired.  Sometimes, I really need to lean onto someone. (Well, you know who… but…)  Probably that’s my problem.  I’ve been depending on others too much that I’m starting to get lazy myself.  LOL.

But thank god, I’ve a bunch of friends that I can rely on.  Even if just for a chat.  But then again, there’re some who are so busy that won’t pick up the phone ge wor… Like someone called Shellee… Wanna eat lunch with her also so difficult.  Haha.  JKJK.  Thanks for chatting tonight, though I doubt you’ll be reading this. 

Sigh… There’s just so much going on these days that I doubt I can cope with them all.  I hate to admit but I can’t run away from it anymore.  So hear my confession:

I AM SO STRESSED!!!

I did quite a stupid thing today.  It’s not exactly stupid actually, but just that I don’t know which word to use and stupid seemed closest to it.

I don’t even know how to begin.  Actually, I do know, but it sounded lame.  Anyway, the point is, I went from platform to platform in the bus station today.  I thought I had wanted to surprise her.  Just to see her off to Taiping.  She had told me her bus has not arrived and asked me if I wanted to wait with her.  I had tried but can’t seem to find the U turn back to the station.

It was just a minute after I told her that, that I found the U turn.  So I made the turn and went all the way up to the parking.  And the rational me thought, "Call her.  Then you can meet."

But the stupid me thought, "Don’t call her.  Give her a surprise."

As usual, I listened to the stupid me and ended up going from platform to platform trying to catch that familiar face.  When I still see no sign of her from platform 1 through platform 20, I gave up and called.

Guess what? "I’m already in the bus."

I was so stunned that I don’t even know what to say.  The disappointment… Well, nevermind.  I’ll just go see her off in the bus.  I started looking again.  Bus by bus.  I even asked the counter where her bus might be.  I had guessed it was Consortium as it was the one she always take and as there’s one that’s going off at 3.  But when I went to the platform where the Consortium bound to Taiping was, the bus was gone!

Sigh… If only I had been a genius and listened to the rational me instead of the stupid me… 

But then again, if there was an "if only", there were so many things I would have done.  I had just wanted to say goodbye.  I really missed her. 

It never occured to me to call her and ask her which bus she was in.  Probably it was also because I don’t want her to move about so much.  But then again, for all I know she might not even be in a Konsortium!

Haha.  Actually it’s kinda funny you know, if you think of it now.  If there had been a suspenseful background music when I was running frantically like a mad man at the platforms, it would have looked like the dramatic ending of a typical TVB series.  You know the cliche; hero trying to stop heroine from leaving and asking her to stay.  And in the end, even if it’s already way pass boarding time, he will still manage to find her standing behind him smiling.  Haha.  Unfortunately for me, no matter how many times I turned back, I don’t see her.  And I only ended up feeling dizzy.  LOL.

Please dear, if you are reading this, don’t be moody di k?  I really tried looking.  It’s my fault that I said I can’t turn back to the station.  I’m sorry if I made you disappointed. 

Really missed you here! Looking forward to seeing you again soon!

Actually, I’ve thought of deleting my previous post.  But then again, what’s the point of blogging when you keep wanting to delete what you’ve written? 

So, I’ll just explain it here la.  Actually, I kinda feel my post is a bit "over" la.  Don’t you think so?  I shouldn’t have worried so much.  After talking it through with Ah Cat and with myself (believe me, I talked to myself in the car!) I finally realize there’s nothing to be worried about. 

Well, there is la, but still, it’s not that important.  I guess the worries will still be here but I shouldn’t let it overcome me and have more faith in her instead.  Afterall, isn’t this what we’ve wanted all along?  LOL.

ANYWAY… Haha.  Just realized I started babbling again.  Ya.  I still mean it when I asked you to take care.   So, take care ya?  And don’t be so stressed!  I’ll be here for you.  Remember? I’ll stand by you, I’ll stand by you… Haha. 

The day that I’ve been trying to ignore and avoid thinking about is finally here.  Well, almost. 

It cannot be avoided, I know.  Sometimes I almost half wished that it will come quicker.  But most of the times, I prayed that it will not happened at all.  I’ve been living in bliss for too long to notice that time is too short.  Nothing is forever.

Sigh… There’s nothing I can do about it I guess.  Crap! I shouldn’t even do anything about it.  Maybe I’m just too selfish.  I had wanted her all to myself.  I had wanted all 24 hours of her day.  I had wanted to be doted on by her.

Hell, I’m selfish!

I just hope everything is all right for her.  The stories I heard about dormitory fights and orientation bullies… I just hope they are a thing of a past.  Sigh… So many things I feared and worried and yet nothing I can do about it.  I know I shouldn’t have worried about these things.  But still, it’s difficult to control.

Just wish I could be there to take care of her.  To protect her in anyway at all. 

Hey you.  If you are reading this, please promise me that you will take care of yourself okay? 

…lie down and STOP THINKING and PLANNING!!!

Seems like a long time since I’ve last blogged ya?  At least two weeks if I’m not mistaken.

Not that I’m lazy, which indeed I am… It’s more that there’s nothing much to say.  My life so far had been too boring.  Nothing interesting to talk about.  After all, there’s the whole business of completing a 20 page literature review in two weeks and I’ve not even started a word on it.  Been too busy trying to figure out why the hell my protein standard curve looked so awkward.  Really felt like repeating the whole thing again…

Ok, enough talk about lab practicals and scientific terms.  It will bore most of you I know.

I’ve heard something over the radio just now that just reflect how 38 our fellow Malaysians are. 

DJ:  There’s a stalled bus at the highway.  It has been moved to the emergency lane to prevent obstruction to the traffic.  However, there is still a massive jam at the highway as a lot of cars slowed down to look.  It’s so exciting you know? A stall bus at the emergency lane! WOW!

Lol.  What a sarcastic DJ.  The problem with these people is they are too laid back.  Or should we say, the "tidak apa" attitude.  It’s like, "Ooo, there’s a stalled bus!  Let’s stop and look and forget about what’s waiting at the office for awhile."

But then again, if we choose to look at it in the other way, Malaysians are just a bunch of patient people.  I’ve even came across an accident where instead of negotiating the price to pay for the damage caused, the two parties are just standing there and chatting like they’ve known each other for ages.  LOL!  I’ve gotta applaud them… really!

Haha.  I don’t even know why I’m blogging about this today.  Probably it’s just something that I wish to share.  Whatever it is, next time, when there’s a stalled vehicle at the side of the road, do stop and look because it’s sooooo exciting and because you can help such a great deal by just looking! 

LOL.  I’ve gotten sarcastic too.  Hehe.  Sorry bout that.  By the way, I want to thank those who had read my previous blog and had prayed for the recovery of JW.  Probably there hadn’t been many, but however few it is, thanks a bunch.  She’s much better now. 

K, gotta go.  Ciao! ;P