It’s A Crappy Life

I really don’t like to be framed for something I’ve not done… I told myself to ignore it but I can’t.  It just bugs be so much…

Ok, so here’s the sitch:

Last night, JW asked me if I can send her to the bus station on Thursday.  At first I told her I can but I will have to confirm with her later.  But later, I realized that I had tuition on that day.  But I didn’t tell her straight away coz it was quite late at night.

Then this morning, she called and asked me what I’m doing.  I ma told her I was reading newspaper lo.  Then I told her I can’t make it on Thursday coz I had tuition.  Then she asked me why am I so bz nowadays… I ma told her I wanna do lab lo… Den she ask me

"Your lab not finished di meh?"

"I’m just helping the lab tech ma"

Silence…

I asked, "Anything?"

"Nothing…"  Hung up.

Then a few minutes later, she sent an sms.  She sent three actually.  I won’t say what she said.  But the conclusion is she thought I made up lies of being bz but actually wanted to avoid her.  She said she actually wanted to give me something and talk to me…

Anyway, she asked me not to reply in all three of her sms-es.  So I didn’t.  Well, even if she didn’t ask me I wouldn’t have.  Coz she’s so angry there’s no point explaining that I was really busy.  I really had class on Thursdays, if she’d only cared to remember. And afterall, if I really wanted to avoid contact, I wouldn’t have picked up the call at the first place, right?

And I DO know that she will wanna give me something - my super overdue birthday present.  But you know what, I don’t want it anymore.  From that day when she told me she didn’t pack it with her when she come to KL… She said she had too many things to take, so she didn’t pack it.  That just shows how much she cares right?  If I’m even worth just a little in her heart, she wouldn’t have not packed it… And she wouldn’t even have not told me she got it until I asked.

I actually wanted to wait for her anger to subside a little before I explain to her that I’m not making up lies.  But after awhile, I realize, since I’ve already given up, I don’t think I should explain.  I’d rather she hate me and get over it soon.  I’ve pulled myself up and out from it, I don’t wanna step back into it again.  I’ve been hurt twice by the same person… Hurt real HARD.

Stan was right.  I should have known her already.  Haih… But I just wonder, if I do it this way, would I be a bad person?  Coz if this way, maybe we might not be able to even be friends…

恢复单身的身份已经有一个星期多了。。。 其实说真的，如果你问我到底发生什么是的话，我也不能回答你。 是因为我自己也不是很清楚。。。

有时候真的是觉得很灰心。 我会不断地问自己，为什么全心全意对一个人。。。 换来的结果竟然会是这样子。一直以来的付出其实只是为了要对方觉得开心。 只是想要他觉得感动和幸福。 可是到头来才发现到原来得到的只是辛苦和压力。。。

到底是我做错了还是我根本不懂怎么去爱一个人？ 如果真的爱一个人应该要怎样做才可以让对方觉得开心呢？

是她铁石心肠。。。 还是我自己失败到连自己最深爱的人也留不住？

Is it my problem?  Or is it somebody else?  Or maybe it’s just the both of us…  Or who knows?  It can be the whole world has eaten crap for breakfast!

I just don’t get it.  Some people are just so blardy stuck up that they think that they can go about criticizing other people like a smart ass. 

Sigh… probably, I’m like that too.  But then again, I won’t wanna insult anyone… unlike someone.  Blardy stuck up!

Someone once told me, he wouldn’t know if I will still know him (as in still treat him as a friend) two years later.  The way he put, he was not trying to say that two years later we will move on and stop contacting each other.  It’s more like I care too much about myself that I will just stop being friends with him should anything happen.

Evidently I was offended.  I still remember my reaction at that time was stopping at the middle of the road and kick him out of the car.  I don’t know why I did that coz it’s really extreme and it only drove the point of what he had said.  Still, that’s what I did and at first I had regretted it. 

But at this very moment, not anymore.  Because he deserved it.  I don’t know what the crap is the matter with this guy and I don’t wanna know.  Even if I’m wrong, tell it straight at my face.  Solve it like a guy.  If we don’t agree what’s the worst that’s gonna happen?  It’s not like I’m gonna punch you at the face.  I just can’t tolerate this back stabbing.  Dare to criticize but not dare to say it in front of me?

Totally understood if this is the work of a girl.  But a guy?  That’s down right sissy to me.  But who cares it’s not like I’m gonna see him for long.  Either way, whenever he sees me he just pretends that I’m a stranger.  So who cares?  He can go fuck himself for all I care.

Forgive the profinities.  Don’t worry, I’m still cool.  I won’t get pissed at someone who’s not even worth the nanosecond of my life.

I actually wanna blog about Perhentian.  But…  The first thing I saw when I open my mailbox for the first time after so many days was an email from Ms Tan. 

"Please submit your literature review by 10 September 07 (Monday).  This is the final deadline.  Any delays will be penalised."

Wakao!  I haven’t started at all! AT ALL! And it’s just about one week left.  Where the hell can I vomit out 30+ pages of stuff for her?! I dowan to do la!  I wanna play some more! About 6 days left.  No matter what I have to squeeze out five pages per day… Oh god!  Somebody please help!

Haih.  What the hell am I complaining?  It’s my fault really.  I’ve been procrastinating for so long.  Far too too long!  Sigh…  Ok.  No more mood to do anything di.  As my last effort of procrastination and protest against the cruelty of my supervisor, I shall refrain from working tonight!  p(-_-)q 

Damn!  No mood di…