It’s A Crappy Life

Phew… this whole week was like a dream… Somehow the whole HK trip was like a long long dream that I’ve just woken up to and remembered very little about…

I’ve got people asking me how was the trip, how was HK, did I have fun… somehow, I can’t answer them… I just don’t get the same oomph I had felt when I went to Beijing last year…  The Beijing trip was memorable if not completely etched in my mind… Probably because I’ve been to interesting places and had incredible tour guides previously…

This time, was like, what the hell?  I didn’t even feel the excitement when I was about to board the plane to HK… and this was not even contributed by the 4 hour delay in the departure flight… I officially reached HK’s first hotel at 4am…  After that, time just WHOOOSH by…

Somemore the tour guides… the Guang Zhou guy is not bad… But the HK one… my god… I’d rather go there without a tour guide…  He’s that bad… 

But anyway, one of the main reasons that this trip is totally forgettable is because it’s a shopping trip… We shopped from HK, to Shenzhen, to Guang Zhou… Even the GZ tour guide said "actually there are other nice places to go too… these few days, besides shopping, the only thing we did was shopping"  (大家除了逛街还是逛街)

I couldn’t agree more… But despite that, I managed to conquer the chinese fashion market… I bought: 1 bag; 1 pair of pants; 7 shirts… it’s SEVEN shirts!!!

I don’t even know that was possible… especially for me… Actually I’ve thought of cataloguing the shirts here… but… as you would have guessed, I’m lazy… Haha…

Anyway, now that I’m back in KL, the dream’s over… And I’ve gotta work all over again… it’s back to rushing report for Dr. Lim and thesis for Ms. Tan… Gosh… I hate my life…

还记得在去年， 刚刚和她分手的时候我的心碎的不能再碎的时候，我是靠唱着 “好爱她好像他” 这首歌而让自己舒服一点的。。。 在今年和她符合过后，我一直以为我再也不需要唱这一首歌。。。 没想到今天我竟然又再唱了这首歌。。。 哈哈。。。 当我唱到副歌的时候还有在尾声的时候，我真得真得觉得我还是很爱她，很想她。。。是我不会做一个好的男朋友的问题吗？ 还是她真的觉得因为她的身体状况而不能跟任何人在一起。。。 为什么我依然还是摆脱不了怀疑我们有第三者的出现？？？

咳。。。我在你心里到底还存在吗？ 为什么你可以一次又一次得伤我呢？ 咳。。。 算了。。。 反正你也不会再来看我的blog的啦。。。 

最近我爱上了 《林宥嘉》唱的 《那首歌》 因为我觉得歌词很适合我对她的心情， 尤其是这一句：“一开始你爱我， 最后你放弃我， 还要用千言万语 说得委屈 你有多难过”

不知道为了什么 

忧愁它围绕著我

我每天都在祈祷 

快赶走爱的寂寞

你要我听这一首歌 

用这首歌离开我

她唱的太美了

歌词却很伤人

你为什么不直接提分手？

爱人的话不需要重 

轻轻的说我就懂

接你的车来了 

表示爱到站了

我站在十字路口 对抗心痛 一个人

你的黑发 现在睡进谁的胸口

你的唇 现在跟谁要温柔

一开始你爱我 

最后你放弃我 

还要用千言万语 说得委屈 你有多难过

爱牢牢抓紧我 

恨深深包围我

你要我为你好 

快赶走爱的寂寞

看《那首歌》的MV

FUCKING TIRED OF ALL OF THEM!

I’m currently addicted to this Cantonese song by Jason Chen (陈柏宇).  The name of the song is called "Car key", directly translated from 车匙.  I know the title is a bit crappy, but the lyrics are totally what I feel now and all the while since the break up.

遗弃这旧汽车 消灭记忆那裂痕
忘记曾坐着你 车迈向荒废树林
面前长路越来越暗 临别越来越近
再远看你家 就当临走情人热吻

手中紧握车匙 追不到往事
方知挂念较怀念更容易
相爱凭几公里飞驰
要停下回望太迟
手中抛开车匙 路上便无依
车里几多温馨故事 几声愿意
原来只不过是幻觉 磨灭我的心志
(然后我又沦落至此 谁伴我又游荡到此)#

忘记暖着你手 冬夜播歌去慢游
时间沉默睡了 飞越了整个地球
为何乘坐路程未够 留下话题未够
我却要带走 是你赠的迷人玩偶

有时间路里太多标志

I tried translating the song, but my translation really sound sucky and I totally destroyed it.  Anyway, if you are really interested to know and can’t understand Chinese, I’ll be glad to translate. 

To listen to the song, click here

It’s been ages since I’ve blogged and I think I might bore you with another miserable entry… But I couldn’t help it…

It’s almost 4 months… coming this 15th it will be exactly four months… I thought I could let go… I thought I’ve already gotten over everything… But sometimes, the feelings came back so suddenly that it can really hit you off guard…

I dreamt about JW last night.  I dreamt that we had a chance to get back together… And I woke up feeling miserable all over again.  Today as I was driving to work, as usual, I passed by UPM… I really had the impulse to turn into UPM to look for her… I don’t know what I would say if I do see her though… So, with all the willpower I could muster, I drove away.

I couldn’t help wondering, what would have happened now if I had not turned down her help to send her to the bus station the other day.  Maybe we’ll still be talking today.  Maybe we are back together now.  Or maybe we remained friends. 

I really have no hope of us being together again… I still love her very much.  I don’t know if she feels the same.  But even if she does, we have too many problems.  At least I have too many problems.  Remember they used to say that love conquers all?  Well, it doesn’t.  Sometimes, it just makes matters worse.

I know she’s about to have her second operation this month.  I don’t know when, but I really wish she can go through this successfully as she did last time.  Previously, I was there for her.  At least I did my best to take care of her.  I was so confident that I would do the same the next time.  But, all I can do now is pray for her recovery.  I couldn’t be by her side like I used to anymore.  I really wish I can do it again.  Maybe if I know when she’ll have her operation, I can go see her without her knowing?

I still remember how I went searching for every temple I know to pray for her on her day of operation.  If only I can do the same this time…

Sigh… Sorry to make you read this, but I’ve been feeling miserable the whole day.  I just wish to pour it out and hopefully I can feel better.  I’m still thinking about the question just now.  What if I really DID send her to the bus station? 

Somehow, it reminded me of the song by Kate Winslet ages ago:

What if I had never let you go…

But I guess… We’ll never know…